Hey Hi Hello Guys,
It's Saturdayyy. and i'm starving! HAHA waiting for my friend to say yes to teman me makann!!! I plan to actually post this entry wayy back before i even started to blog back, because i wanted to share with everyone my experience but yet i was afraid if i get some mean comments saying that i'm the one who cause myself to be ill and it is my personal choice. Seriously i get that 'honest' comments from some that i share with.
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Yes. I suffered Bulimia Nervosa. Sounds serious when it come to specific names ait? What is Bulimia Nervosa? It is one of an eating disorder like we have heard before e.g. anorexia and Binge eater. Bulimia Nervosa are slightly the same as binge eater. but different. People with bulimia nervosa eat unusually large amounts of food (binge eat) and then compensate by purging (vomiting), fasting or excessive exercise. People with binge-eating disorder, binge but do not purge, and they often become overweight or obese.
Yes, it looks like nothing but it is something guys. It is bad. I started to figured that i suffered Bulimia Nervosa when i was in my college year. I started this habits (Eat & Vomit) since high school because i would want to stay skinny but yet i love to eat..and it goes on till my college year and to be honest till now. But not as hardcore as my college year.
I don't know how to describe the feeling but let me try.
For me personally, when i saw food. i have this kind of adrenaline rush and when i start, i can't stop eating. Yet bila dah kenyang, i feel bad to my self and start purging to either fast (tapi dulu i tak puasa) i vomit. i vomit all that i eat till i feel okay. then only i stop. Pernah dengar kan benda ni? and yet i thought that i suffered from anorexia. but no. HOWEVER, This is the step for you to be one.
Sampailah one day, i don't feel like to eat. But when i eat, my weight drop like 2kg a day and i started to worried. I did some research and then i tibe dapat kesedaran so i started to eat like normal people. why did i scared? because it's a part of anorexia symptoms. You don't feel hungry, then when you eat but your weight keep dropping. then i started to eat like hell. I started to feel bloat and bad again.
I had this comment from my college friends and family that i sometimes looks skinny and sometime look fat. That's what happen. it is emotionally stress.
Till i decided to go to the doctor to know either am i anorexic?
No. I suffered from Bulimia Nervosa. Like what the doctor said something like this -- "When you’re struggling with bulimia, life is a constant battle between the desire to lose weight or stay thin and the overwhelming compulsion to binge eat."
Dulu i gila work out. i sometimes work out excessively till i faint. Kalau pergi gym dekat area pandan tanya muka aynal ni kalau tak pengsan tak sah. Bila kene marah i cakap i didn't get enough sleep when the truth is i didn't eat.
i sometimes feel so stuffed till my stomach feels like it’s going to burst. Then i started to feel disgusted and terrified by the thousands of calories i had consumed. After throw up and steps on the scale to make sure I hasn’t gained any weight. I know and I did not feel proud with what i did.
So, if you ask now, I still suffered Bulimia Nervosa, but how i purge now to be honest, i fast. I puasa to detox my self after eating to much. I had to admit that i can't eat 5 times a day like normal people and have a healthy diet. I'm trying but it is not easy as it seems. I hate when people said bad things to binge eater like "that it's your choice you becoming one". but please, courage them not hate them. you didn't suffer from it easy for you to say.
To be honest, eating disorder is not something that you can medically treat it. Sejujurnya, kesedaran to not diet but eat healthy. Treatment for bulimia is much more likely to succeed when you stop dieting. Once you stop trying to restrict calories and follow strict dietary rules, you will no longer be overwhelmed with cravings and thoughts of foods. By eating normally, you can break the binge-and-purge cycle and still reach a healthy, attractive weight.
So hope this entry help you to share if you are one of me.
Don't judge me and please be nice HAHA :)
Thanks for reading!